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Flamingo Dancer

[this is good] What a beautiful piece of writing.

I wasn't with my father when he died, I had left the room about 30 minutes earlier. Mum was with him though and she described it very closely to how you have - the one moment there and then the slow going. His breathing got slower and slower, then stopped, one last breath and then he was gone. I think he had waited for Mum to come back into the room. In many ways I have felt that he has never left me.


I am thankful that my parents somehow knew the evening my father was going, after his months of illness, and called us all to come to the hospital. It was just like that, but we were all there. And even though I am religious, I still felt that in the moment, there was nothing else but all of us, around him. Know what I mean?
Lung cancer, ugh. My dad too. What could be worse and, for my parents, more avoidable? It's hell.


Yeah, I do know what you mean.  Someone--Sartre?  Heidegger?  can't remember anymore, I'm such a lapsed philosophy major---said something about how when we die, we're alone.  The only way you can die is alone.  I never knew just how true that way.

Lung cancer is definitely a bad way to go.  I watched my dad get progressively sicker and sicker from heart disease, also from smoking.  I wasn't there when he died--I was scheduled to be at his house about a week after he died, and he was out pruning trees so that his yard would look good for me, and it did him in.  If I'd ever had an urge to smoke, it would have been gone after watching what it did to him, and then Susie, too.  It's really horrible.

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